Bag Puss has asked me not to cut him out of my life. But I don't see how I can stay friends with him.
When we split up, he said I was to use the following two weeks to think about things. Then he decided I should think about things for a couple of months, because two weeks wasn't long enough. He told me he loved me. I told him I loved him too. Which I do. He told me it wasn't over for us, as such, that he felt we could be together again in the future. I was just to think through what I really wanted first.
He's visited me here in Edinburgh (he's from a different city), and it's been the same as ever. Hugs, cuddles, kisses, etc. Like we were still together, only not. It was lovely, but so hard.
While I was still thinking about things, he's gone off with someone else.
Now, I know he had every right to do that. I'd dumped him, he was single. But, oh my god, how it hurts.
It's so quick, like I never mattered at all. Barely over a month later and he's with someone else. "It was a slap in the face, how quickly I was replaced," keeps going round my head.
He keeps saying I'll find a new man...as if he's refusing to understand why we split up. I've told him and told him how afraid of pregnancy I am...to the point where I can see myself alone for the rest of my life rather than be pregnant again. But still the comments about new men, new romance. For crying out loud, if I feel I can't be with the man I love, I'm hardly going to be chancing pregnancy with someone else, am I?
My Mum reckons he's a serial shagger, a typical man, she says.
Yes, I know I'm whinging, and it's very one-sided. Of course it is. But where better to spill ?