Friday, January 06, 2006

Alanis Morissette

I watched a DVD last night about her. It was a bit disconcerting because my first girlfriend looked like a lankier version of her. Used to dress like her sometimes, too.

Alanis Morissette was my heroine when I was a teenager, but I haven't paid her music much attention for years. I've discovered I still like it! :)

A bit sad, remembering all the dreams I had when I was a teenager, though. Wanting to do music, actually help people with it. My Mum told me to grow up, that dreams don't come true, that 'our kind' (whatever that is) don't do things like that. We get a job in an office, or a supermarket, and yes life is awful, but so what? It's the same for all.

Well being a teenager, I fought against that. I thought if I worked hard enough, made good contacts, had a bit of luck...maybe I could do it. I was bloody good, too. Being an office monkey didn't appeal at all.

I sang 'Bondage' one night, acappella, at the Cas Rock, just up from the Grassmarket. Bondage is a song I wrote about the girlfriend I mentioned above, who looked like Alanis. She died. The song's kind of about being in denial.

When I was done, I stepped off the stage and came face to face with a man who had tears running down his face, and he said to me, "Thankyou. I was at a funeral today. Thankyou. That's exactly it. Beautiful. Thankyou."

That's what I wanted to do. Get to people.

And now here I am, considering a computer training course, so that I can probably become an office worker when The Boy goes to school. My Mum was right. I'm a waste of space.

You know what the funniest bit is? While I understood the anger behind 'You Oughta Know', I'd never been in exactly that situation - being hurt by an ex replacing me at the speed of light. And now I have. On New Year's Eve, at the party, it came on the stereo, and we were singing along in a mad drunken fashion. And all the while, Bag Puss was busy replacing me at his New Year's celebration. How's that for an amusing coincidence, Alanis?


Blogger The Guy said...

The heart of magic lies within Totality. Being all the things you are through all the moments of your life. Must the Musician die when the Professional arrives on the stage? I think the Witch will have no trouble standing toe-to-toe with the Professional, so you should not fear her either. She is part of your Totality to.

11:16 AM  
Blogger Aine said...

What a lovely thing to say, thankyou. You make a very good point.

11:22 AM  

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